THE MIGHTY DREMEL by the even MIGHTIER J. CLAUDIUS CLOYD

Posted: September 30, 2011 in Uncategorized

Back when I used
to work
at the hardware store I’d make
up my own gods
and name them after
power tools

everyone around me
was so miserable
but not me

j’étais heureux
(that means ‘I was happy’
in french)

because

while chucking around 80 pound bags
of concrete I dedicated
a good deal of
thought
into the myth of Dremel…

Dremel was
half god/half goat

the result of his father—
the mighty BlackanDecker—
having his way
with a young innocent virgin goat
named Dan

Dremel, therefore, became
the god of goats
and bestiality…

it is prophesied that he shall
die on a gigantic
pumpkin
for our
orgasms

naturally I told
everyone
the good news
and that NOW
they didn’t have
to be
SO FUCKIN’
sad

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